I Refuse

By On · 45 Comments · In Awesome Sauce

**This post was originally written just for my mailing list, but I had such an overwhelming positive response to it I decided I needed to share it with the “world” at large through a blog post. If this seems like it is speaking straight at you or you have additional words of wisdom to add please do so at the end.

I had a particularly frustrating last few days and the nagging harpy of self doubt was starting to whisper into my ear. So I decided that instead of entertaining those fears, those doubts and those nagging questions about my own capabilities as a person I’d just refuse…

And it worked AMAZINGLY!

So I quickly scribbled down every way I could refuse that would help me grow a person, embrace my dreams and banish the self doubt that tries to derail all extraordinary plans. I wanted to share them with you in hopes that they’ll encourage you to also shoot down your doubt and negative self talk and instead only pay attention to the positive goals and actions that will get you where you want to be.


I REFUSE…

1. I refuse to listen to my doubts, my fears and any negative self talk that goes on in my head.
2. I refuse to worry about the future and instead I will only focus on actively influencing my present.
3. I refuse to not give myself the fighting chance I deserve to do anything and everything I want to in life.
4. I refuse to accept failure as a permanent state and instead only choose to see it as a learning experience.
5. I refuse to entertain thoughts that don’t directly benefit myself, others or the greater good of the world at large.
6. I refuse to accept anything less than my wildest dreams coming true.
7. I refuse to acknowledge the limitations that most people think they have, no matter what the circumstances.

How I do this is when thoughts opposite of what I want in life come up I just simply tell them (sometimes even out loud) “I don’t care and I refuse to acknowledge you”. They’ll try a few more times but then after a while they’ll give up.

This is you training your brain to only bring in positive, goal affirming thoughts and ideas and it will help you exponentially if you really put it to work.

I refused… what can you refuse that will lead to greater success and happiness?

Tagged with: • • • •  
Share →
  • http://massivelyminimal.com Ollie Queen

    This post couldn't have come at a better time in my life, today was a bit of a reboot day for me. Thanks Maren these few points are going to become something of rules to live by me for the next few months as I rebuild my life, my site and the world I live in.

  • http://www.flavors.me/susanjane Susan Jane

    I totally printed this out and am going to put this on the wall by my desk so it can be my constant reminder to live more positively! Thanks Maren!

  • omajoe

    Great post, Maren. It reminds me of Tony Robbins advice that the best way to achieve more success is to raise your standards about what you will and will not accept in your life.

  • http://www.twitter.com/mdemmick M. Drew Emmick

    Thanks Maren Kate. I do something similar for planning, and this will definitely clear my mind of worry and self doubt. The future is also something that attacks my mood and drive. Another struggle is wasting brain power worrying about things I have no control over. An example of this is I'm a people person, and I want to be liked. If I'm given the cold shoulder I sometimes try and figure out what they're thinking. I don't have psychic powers so that's not very helpful.

    Your refusals taught me something else. At times, I struggle with many of the same thoughts and worries that you list. So even the best of us, Maren Kate being the best example, experience this. It's where we allow it to take us that makes the difference.

  • http://www.twitter.com/mdemmick M. Drew Emmick

    I am really digging this. I do something similar for planning, and this will definitely clear my mind of worry and self doubt.

    The future is also something that attacks my mood and drive. Another struggle is wasting brain power worrying about things I have no control over. An example being I'm a people person, and want to be liked. If I'm given the cold shoulder I will try and figure out what that person is thinking. I don't have psychic powers so it doesn't help.

    These refusals taught me something else. At times, I struggle with many of the same thoughts and worries in this list. So even the best of us, Maren Kate being the best example, experience them. It's where we allow them to take us that makes the difference.

  • http://twitter.com/amikimtweets Ami Kim

    Turn it into a poster and market it (but no hokey picture, please) ;)

  • http://weddingmusicunveiled.com dave

    Maren, you've had some great posts, but this may just be your most inspiring ever. Thanks so much!

  • JohnLemire

    Yes! This is awesome. I was thinking the same thing this morning. I was finishing preparing for a talk about raw food and spiritual practice in front of a group of people and I decided that I simply was not going to be anxious. That was it, I made the firm decision NOT to be anxious and nervous and guess what… it worked!!
    Decide to not do those things which do not help you! Do it! =]

  • http://twitter.com/arumugamtp Arumugam

    This is very inspiring. Yes. Mind is too worried and generates questions to depress you. All you need is to make it feel confident about what we are doing..Superb post..Thanks..

  • David

    Great post Maren…very profound. One of the most important moments in my life happened when I attended a very intense seminar in my early 20s that ruthlessly (but lovingly) demonstrated the BS I was carrying around. Almost in a flash, I experienced the distinction between my presence as pure possibility and potential, as compared with the stories i told myself about what i was like and the false but incessant mind chatter we all have that keeps us fearful and judgmental and small. How liberating!! I had a choice about who I would be. More importantly, I was NOT that negative voice in my head. Rather, the mind chatter was out to use me. When you stop identifying with that negative self-talk as “you” it loses its power and your soul takes the reins.

    I know this may sound kind of schizo on a superficial level, but my take is that this distinction is the foundation of personal transformation and human achievement. You are not the stories that you're in the habit of telling yourself. Instead, you are pure possibility and potential.

    This helped me to transform from a “shy” “loser” and “high school drop out” to a happily engaged, straight A college student who ultimately graduated UCLA and USC Law School.

    This is the core teaching of Eckhart Tolle in the Power of Now.

  • http://www.urbanizedmedicine.com Jennifer Barthe

    I use this process too to get rid of limiting beliefs. Whenever a really lame belief comes into my personal space, I tell myself “Thanks for sharing, but I really don't care”. This attitude helps me re-focus on what's important and that's making cool things happen.

  • http://www.Escapingthe9to5.com/ Maren Kate

    That is great Jennifer – I do the same with the “i don't care” it's amazing how well it works too – it's like your mind goes “ok, well then I won't send you anymore of those thoughts”

  • http://www.Escapingthe9to5.com/ Maren Kate

    I really love your story :) I think it's amazing that you embraced that positivity vs. the negativity you could have so easily let entrap you. Also I have GOT to read that book – so many people have recommended it!

  • http://www.Escapingthe9to5.com/ Maren Kate

    Thanks!! :) Confidence really does change everything!

  • http://www.Escapingthe9to5.com/ Maren Kate

    Action cures fear! Exactly :)

  • http://www.Escapingthe9to5.com/ Maren Kate

    Thank you Dave! I'm so happy it inspired you :)

  • http://www.Escapingthe9to5.com/ Maren Kate

    Hahaha… lol – no like kitty with a butterfly image?

  • http://www.Escapingthe9to5.com/ Maren Kate

    That's good that you look deeply into things like that – I think it's the sign of a go getter individual because often people just blow of things and never wonder why. Finding the why's in life can help out alot in building your happiest outcome.

  • http://www.Escapingthe9to5.com/ Maren Kate

    Oh we didn't see the first one? Repost it please :)

  • http://www.Escapingthe9to5.com/ Maren Kate

    That is great advice, Yeah he is great – very inspirational and positive. Its funny I find that the most positive people I know are also the most successful – So i guess it really does work!

  • http://www.Escapingthe9to5.com/ Maren Kate

    Yay! Thanks so much for sharing that Susan it made me smile :)

  • http://www.Escapingthe9to5.com/ Maren Kate

    Let me know how your next few months go – rebuilding is scary but can also be some of the best times ever!

  • http://www.twitter.com/mdemmick M. Drew Emmick

    Thank you for the encouragement!

  • http://twitter.com/lovelivfe Ruiting

    Great post! It's similar to what my mentor taught me in my part time business too. And I think I really need to remake all these to become my habit again, kind of feeling down these days. Thanks for the post!

  • matthewneedham

    Absoultely, refuse to accept everything but success!!! Good luck!

  • http://twitter.com/bluepop13 Eric

    Excellent post here Maren!

    I can definitely see how this would work and I'll have to use a refuse of my own next time some thought comes to mind of me doubting myself for any reason.

    One thing I refuse is to have to go back to a regular job working for someone else. I have the opportunity to now work up my blog full time as I'm a stay-at-home dad.

    Great stuff here. :)

  • http://www.Escapingthe9to5.com/ Maren Kate

    I know what you mean :) I have had that feeling the last 2 weeks too. But it was so nice, a reader called me and told me that he appreciated the site which was SOOO uplifting. So hopefully I can turn around and encourage you a bit too :) why so down?

  • http://www.Escapingthe9to5.com/ Maren Kate

    Absolutely Matthew, you live this principle too i see!

  • http://www.Escapingthe9to5.com/ Maren Kate

    Yay!! Good job I love that you are a stay at home dad, that is radical!

  • http://www.websitebegin.com Joe Boyle

    You are as strong and able as you believe you are. I loved the post. I refuse to let others tell me what I can and cannot do. I am my own person and I will define my own abilities.

    Great post :D

  • http://jeremyaragon.com/ Jeremy Aragon

    “If this seems like it is speaking straight at you or you have additional words of wisdom to add please do so at the end.”

    We seem to share similar struggles… and tenacity ;) NEVER TAP OUT, right?

    http://jeremyaragon.com/

  • http://twitter.com/IvanCampuzano Ivan Campuzano

    Nice post Maren…thanks for deciding to share with everyone :) ..just a few thoughts on how to quit worrying about the future and dealing with your thoughts of self doubt…
    to really be able to perceive and experience the present moment requires one to go through a huge psychological revolution…one needs to learn to become a passive observer of ones inner space…to come to an understanding of the structure of thought, of memory, of the thought process…one needs to see the actuality that all thought is simply a response from memory..and all memory is of the past…therefore thought is limited….if you can come to a certain understanding of your inner psychology then there may be the possibility of stepping outside the field of thought..otherwise you will go on “thinking” that your in the present moment but that still involves thinking..not the present moment…

    You have to learn to become observant and watchful…observe and be a witness to every act you do..every thought that passes your mind…without having the urge to control or suppress because this leads to a corrupt mind..watch every desire that bubbles up within you…observe even seemingly little things likes your gestures, walking, talking, breathing, eating, everything can be an opportunity to watch….

    You will realize that the more watchful that you become, that your internal chatter will become less and less…by constantly watching you create immense inner space…inner stillness…in this space you will then be able to perceive that the thinker is not separate from the thought he thinks…that the observer is the observed…being able to “see” this internal movement in its entirety will help you slip into the gaps between your thoughts..where you experience being in a timeless space…being timeless means no thoughts…yet being extremely alert…..keep on watching until one day the watching drops on its own…and all the is left is the watcher…then you can see something simply without seeing it through the filters of your thoughts..which distort and never let you come in contact with what your observing…

    An interesting thing that also happens when you start going from being unconscious to more conscious and wakeful…is that your new found awareness will then allow you to start seeing all your inner contradictions…all the subtle things that where operating below your conscious awareness..things that caused you to react to situations in life in a very mechanical way..you will see how everyone has a crowd of independent personalities living inside them…seeing this can be very painful and feel like your consciousness is turning against you…realize this is all part of the growing and learning process..this is how you will become more integrated…more whole…how you will really develop true will power…this is when you learn that you need to not express negative emotions… every time you express your negative emotions…you loose your sense of “I am”…the acknowledgement of your existence….

    This is a very arduous journey…but the only journey worth making…this state of being is something you need to discover on your own..sure others can give you pointers… but what they are trying to describe is beyond words..so it's up to you to make the leap into the unknown..to discover something that has been with you all along …I wish everyone the best…happy travels

  • http://andbreak.com/ Julius Kuhn-Regnier

    Seems like a good idea here Maren. Have you ever meditated before? I have and I believe it's a great way to simply relax. The reason I am asking is that what you wrote somewhat contradicts the theory of meditating. Not that this is bad I have just become used to that theory.
    What you are supposed to do is whenever a thought comes up you are supposed to acknowledge it and then simply let it pass. Maybe that would work for your fears too.

  • http://www.Escapingthe9to5.com/ Maren Kate

    That is awesome Joe :) Glad you are very forthright in your actions and goals for yourself!

  • http://www.Escapingthe9to5.com/ Maren Kate

    Thanks so much for sharing all of that Ivan, I got a lot out of it and I'm sure others will to! I love the quote “a very arduous journey… but the only journey worth making” couldn't agree more!!

  • http://www.Escapingthe9to5.com/ Maren Kate

    You know I need to learn how to… I kind of do, but maybe I just don't call it that. Any resources you recommend?

  • http://nomuu.com Girl Startup

    It's nice when you stumble across a post, where a poster is going through the same thing! I have been having those little “doubt talks in my mind”, but then they seem to pass by the next day. I guess it's something programmed into us, without understand how or why. I think it's pretty natural.

  • http://www.Escapingthe9to5.com/ Maren Kate

    I always think sometimes it is like that because it helps us enjoy the good times more :)

  • http://www.Escapingthe9to5.com/ Maren Kate

    absolutely!

  • Melissa G

    This is my favorite one:
    2. I refuse to worry about the future and instead I will only focus on actively influencing my present.
    I think that's something a lot of people struggle with. People dwell on the past and worry about the future too much. Live in the now.

    –Melissa (http://www.melissagati.com)

  • http://www.getpaidtofart.com ebele

    Oh, boy, I can definitely relate to the first one…especially. Lurks around a lot…permeates…blocks…is needy.

    I'm definitely gonna take a leaf out of your book and speak back to it, dammit. I usually just listen as if it's merely a one-way convo. Well, this time, it's going two-way, baby….and loud.

    Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

  • http://www.Escapingthe9to5.com/ Maren Kate

    Thanks Melissa!

  • http://www.Escapingthe9to5.com/ Maren Kate

    Thanks Ebele glad you liked it!

  • Pamela

    Maren, Thank you for this brain exercise to ward off the evil downers in our life. You are amazing and never be anyone other than who you are. I just subscribed to your blog and downloaded your ebook. I did so because you have a lot to say and in a way that you come across as the real deal. Thank you for your expertise I look forward to getting to know you on our continued journey to freedom.

  • Thymeisonmyside

    I was Awesome Sauce for Halloween last year, put in on everything!